Wordless Wednesday

Brotherly Love

Three Months Home

Three months as a Robbs kiddo

Three months ago, we stepped off that plane and the world for our not so little family tilted on its axis.  We had a three year old who could not speak one word of our language, had been taken out of his culture and his home, traveled 40 hours with lots of scary adventures [airplanes, escalators, security checks, etc], and was just downright terrified of what was happening to him.

Scared as he is reunited with Justin

Over the past few months, we've had lots of tears [Eyob and us], much frustration, and many missed events.  Adoption is hard.  Not gonna lie.  It's difficult.  There was a period of a few weeks when we kept saying, "What the heck did we just do to our family!!??" 

But we've also had so much joy that I feel as if my heart could burst.  I am in awe of what a brave little boy Eyob is.  He faltered for a little bit and then he squared his shoulders and got on with living.  It reminds me of the lyrics from a Rascal Flatts song: ...you get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand...

Two months in - a genuine smile

When I look at how far he's come, I can hardly believe only three months have passed.  He's speaking quite a bit of English, learning how to appropriately behave [somewhat] in different situations, and settling in to life as part of a family unit.  We're definitely getting some of our footing back.  Not that things are easy or even what used to be our normal.  

For example, he gets really overwhelmed in unfamiliar situations.  Because of that, we don't feel like we can go camping this year and the other kids have been incredibly bummed.  So next week, we're loading up all of our camping gear and heading to my parents' house to camp in their yard.  We'll do all of the normal fun stuff, just in a familiar environment.  Hopefully the compromise will work for all involved.  

Mama lovin!

Really, that's what life has become these three months.  A compromise.  A balancing act involving what Eyob can handle vs. the needs and wants of the rest of us.  It's not easy, but it's necessary and we can see it starting to pay off.  We feel like he's developing an attachment to us and starting to look to us and trust that we'll fulfill his needs.  That's important stuff.  The other kids adore him most of the time.  They're starting to behave like normal siblings with him, playing one minute and arguing the next.

God has also kept the fire burning in our hearts.  We feel so heavy to do more for those whom God refers to as the least of these.  We're not sure what that will look like in the future.  Definitely mission trips and sponsoring more children.  Possibly more adoptions, not necessarily international, just wherever God leads us.  We can't wait!
  

For I know the plans I have for you," decalres the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Day 8

All Monday night, Eyob threw up.  About every 20 minutes.  Cade kept having to go get more towels from the front desk and Eyob and I quickly ran out of clean clothes.  It was awful.  He never had a fever, cough, etc.  Just the puking.  When morning finally came, I knew we had to get to a doctor somehow.  But what to do?  Who to call?  I felt so lost and helpless in a foreign country with a very sick child.  

I went to the desk to ask for help.  Imagine my amazement, gratitude, and shock when they told me that they'd already called Holt to find out who Eyob's pediatrician was.  Then they called the pediatrician and told him to expect us.  They also called for a van and it would be arriving momentarily!  Would that ever happen in America???  Amazing!  I highly, highly recommend the Jemimah guesthouse in Addis for your next Ethiopian stay.

We hurried to get ready to go and decided to leave Cade at the guesthouse where he'd be more comfortable.  The van came quickly and we jumped in.  At that point, Eyob was limply laying in my arms.  He fell asleep as we drove for about 30 minutes.  Such relief when we finally arrived at the clinic, only to find out it was the wrong one!  We piled back in the van and drove for about 20 more minutes and this time we were in the right place.

Let me say right here that our driver was amazing.  Simply. Amazing.  He stayed with us and translated and helped us know what to do.

We found the doctor's office and the waiting area was pretty full.  We went to a window and had to pay some money.  I was getting worried, thinking I hadn't brought enough birr.  Who knows what a doctor visit in Ethiopia would cost?  If it was anything close to the US, I hadn't even changed enough USD to birr.  When the lady said 30 birr, I nearly fell over.  That's a little less than two USD.  Now I was dismayed the other way.  Only two dollars?  People can't afford medical care that costs what we spend on a whim hundreds of times a year.  Ugh.

I thought our wait would be long, but they whisked us right back to see the doctor.  My dad and I really worried about that.  Why should we go in front of everyone who was already waiting?  It made me uncomfortable and embarrassed.  I really hope it was because of how sick Eyob was and not because we were foreign.

The doctor seemed to know Eyob and Eyob responded well to him.  After a quick exam, the doctor said that Eyob was definitely dehydrated and needed to be hospitalized for intravenous fluids.  Oh great.  I was quickly becoming even more of a mess.  Now I surely didn't have enough money, possibly wouldn't be able to get on a plane in two days, had no way to communicate with Cade back at the guesthouse, and on top of that Eyob was so listless that I was terrified for him.

We went back to the window to pay some more money for the hospital deposit.  I wasn't seeing a card reader anywhere, so I figured there was no way to use a credit card.  When she said they needed a 600 birr deposit I was shocked.  That's about 30 bucks.  I quickly paid her and then we walked to the hospital, which was just across the parking lot.

We went in and the nurse led us to a bed immediately.  The exact details of this part are fuzzy to me.  Honestly, I mostly stood in the corner and cried.  I felt so helpless to do anything for this child.  

Actually, I guess the first part is pretty clear in my mind.  I laid him on the bed and they started trying to find a vein.  Now, I'm a birth doula and have seen many IV placements, epidurals, stitches, births, cesarean sections, etc.  Medical stuff does not bother me.  I kind of dig it, really.  Except.... when it's when one of my kids.... then I become this person who can't look at the needle and just feels sick.  So weird and weenie of me but I can't help it!  When this started happening, I thought, well, the bonding must be going well.  If this was anyone else's child I wouldn't have a problem watching and helping.  But with Eyob, I couldn't.  

They held him down for about thirty minutes while they went on a fishing expidition for a vein.  It. Was. Awful.  He screamed the whole time, really for the next many hours while he was held down.  They tried both arms, his hands, his feet, and when they looked at his neck I thought I might be the one who started puking.  They finally found one in his arm after resorting to just poking the needle in repeatedly in hopes of hitting something.  And so the drip began.  We tried to distract him, sang, read, cried with him, but still he screamed. 

I am so eternally grateful for my dad and our driver.  They were amazing and held Eyob the whole time.  Poor E never stopped screaming and the staff didn't seem to understand what I meant when I asked if they could give him something to make him sleep.  They'd given him phenergran and I thought he'd surely pass out from that, but no.  Nothing.  Eventually the doctor came in and said to take the IV out.  He wanted me to give Eyob milk to see if it would stay down.  He was shocked that I didn't have any with me.  I felt like the worst mom ever.  I had water, but apparently it had to be milk and nope, there wasn't a hospital cafeteria.  The driver disappeared for quite awhile and eventually was able to locate milk for us.

We felt very cared for all day.  Eyob's favorite nanny showed up and we received constant phone calls --- from Holt and the guesthouse checking on Eyob's progress and letting me know how Cade was doing.  Over a period of a couple more hours, Eyob kept the milk down, the doctor looked at him again and said that he thought the vomiting was due to stress.  My poor boy.  He was so terrified of us taking him that he was sick about it.  

The clinic sent us away with some meds and change from my deposit.  Yes, I got money back.  Everything all together cost a little less than $40.  In the US it would probably have cost thousands and I felt that the care in Ethiopia was much more compassionate and holistic. Wow.

We finally made it back to the Jemimah.  They'd fed Cade and doted on him, so he was happy and hadn't really missed us at all.  Eyob's throwing up stopped and we spent what was left of the day resting in our room.  

 

What an experience!  I thought for sure that all of the drama must be behind us.  At this point, I was feeling pretty beat up and beyond exhausted in every way.  In one week we'd traveled halfway around the world.  Toured London.  Found out that our court decree wasn't issued until January 5 for some reason, even though we had court in November and everyone else with us got their decree in December.  So we couldn't get the adoption tax credit we were depending on to live this summer while Justin is not working so he can do clinic at the law school.  We'd done the birth father meeting, which was gut wrenching.  Been in a small earthquake.  Driven about 15 hours in two days, much of it on bumpy terrain, in a van crammed with people.  Taken custody of Eyob.  Gone to our embassy appointment.  Dealt with an unprecedented amount of puke.  Spent a day in the hospital.  Surely it would be free sailing from here on out!  Hahahaha!  Not so much.....