Punching Bag

I keep putting off posting, because I feel that all that is coming from me right now is negativity.  I feel like a punching bag.  The bad news just keeps coming, one thing after another, after another.  As far as we know, our MOWA letter is still not in place.  As of Monday, it was not and the US end of our agency has been unable to verify that it is still missing, because they have a lot of other drama going on right now with people traveling to get their kids.  Then we heard yesterday that MOWA is closed indefinitely while they move offices.  And the U.S. embassy is scrutinizing cases much more closely, sometimes taking weeks instead of days.  I know these are both good things, but I'm very unhappy that we've been caught in the middle of every single dang change or missing license or slow paperwork that has happened in the past year.  Everyone who went to court before and with us and several that went after, are ready for embassy.  We're stuck.  No reason why.  No end in sight.  Meanwhile, Little E is in a new care center and is having night terrors and I don't know how much more we can take at this point.  I know it will happen in God's timing.  I know.  But, I can't understand the why's of it.  Why E has had to sit in an orphanage for a year and a half now.  He's had a family waiting for ten months.  Tomorrow is ten weeks since we left him and we still have no idea when we'll return to bring him home.  Please continue to pray for us, for the MOWA offices to reopen soon, for the letter to be issued quickly after that, so that we can be submitted to the embassy.  


We truly appreciate everyone's prayers, support, and concern.  Justin and I have often referenced the movie Finding Nemo this week, the part where Dori says, "Just keep swimming.  Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.  What do we do?  We swim, swim."  Yesterday it felt like we were sinking, but really we have no choice but to keep swimming.  C'mon MOWA. C'mon embassy.  We miss our boy.

Nope

Well, on Thursday Justin got a call from the director of the Ethiopia program at Holt.  She was calling with bad news.  We did not get the February 8 embassy date.  All of our paperwork is ready to be submitted except for one thing - we're missing a letter from MOWA.  MOWA is the adoption authority in Ethiopia.  When Holt gets the letter, we'll be ready to be submitted for an embassy date - hopefully the February 22 one.  Needless to say, we're extremely upset about this turn of events.  But, there's nothing to be done except pray.

We are asking for specific prayers - that the letter is issued very soon, that we get the Feb. 22 date, and that E is content and cared for where he is until we can get there.  I guess prayers for my extremely bad attitude acceptance of the situation would also be helpful.  I cried for two straight days.  If it's only a two week delay, that's not the end of the world in the grand scheme of things.  I'm just scared of it being longer than that and that's what's so upsetting.

We're trying to focus on the positive.  I will get to see Cade perform in the Valentine's dinner theater at church.  I was really bummed that I was going to miss that.... and ummmmm, welllllll...... that's actually the only positive I can find right now.  But, it's something, right?

This mama's arms are aching for my sweet boy.  The kids talk about him all the time and Maci saves snacks for him and wants us to set a place for him at dinner.  There's a gaping hole in our family that will only be filled by one chubby, three year old little guy.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope - Psalm 130:5

 

The Wait Goes On

Still.  Waiting.  Ugh.  The last week has been emotional, since we should hear any second if we get the Feb. 8 embassy date.  So far, no one has heard anything.  We should know this week for sure, but that's what I thought last week.  If we get this one, we will leave two weeks from tomorrow to bring Little E home.  Our agency did say about a month ago that we should expect to bring him home in February, just not sure when.  We are trusting in God's timing in this and trying not to get to antsy.  Trying.  I didn't say that I'm always succeeding.

In the meantime, though, we're getting involved in some exciting ministry opps.  I am heading up Meals on Wheels volunteers for our homeschool group.  I'm glad to be able to serve those who are the other part of our James 1:27 verse.  My kiddos are super excited, since this is something they do with their Grammy when we visit. It will be good for all of us to step outside of our comfort zone a little bit.

Justin and I have also developed a new passion and hope to have a couple of big events this fall.  Stay tuned for announcements about how you can be involved!

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31 

Roller Coaster Ride

This is how my life has felt this week.  Emotionally, it's like I'm in some sort of free fall.  Then just when I'm at my lowest, I'll watch video of Little E, hear his sweet voice, and remember what it felt like to snuggle him and up the other side I go.

Almost everyone in line in  front of us for embassy dates found out that they got the January date.  So exciting!  That means we *should* be in line for the next one, which is February 8.  We won't know for a couple of weeks and it's possible that someone behind us will get to jump ahead.  That's just how this process works.  We have our flights picked out and are ready to book as soon as we get the word.

Justin laughs because he says I'm nesting.  The house hasn't been this clean in a long time, cabinets and drawers are cleaned out, and E's clothes are washed [twice because it's so fun to do little boy laundry again!] and ready to go.

I made a photo book for E's birth father and that was very emotional.  It was hard to decide what to put in it.  I ended up with lots of pics of E, a few of the fab four, and some of us with E.  I kept thinking that this might be the only tangible thing that he has from his son and I wanted to make it special for him.

We found out yesterday that E was moved to a new care center after Christmas.  My heart is sick thinking that he's had a big transition and is facing another one very soon.  I cannot wait for this process to be over.  It feels like that desperation at the end of a pregnancy, except that my baby is halfway around the world and I cannot know that he's safe and cared for.  I mean, I do know that.  Our agency rocks and the nannies love the kids.  But a mama's love is different and I need him here.  Maci is getting very impatient to meet him and has started asking to go on the plane with me.  Really wish I could take her along, but I don't know if I could handle two three year olds on little sleep for 36 hours of travel.  I might end up in a padded cell.

I started the kids back to school this week.  It was kind of bumpy, but I think we're back in the groove now.  I'm trying to enjoy this lull before we have a fifth child and baseball and soccer start back up.  We're focusing on lots of good family time.  Tonight we played a card game for hours with Cade and Tatum and had a blast.  I love that they're old enough now to do stuff like that!  Thanks, Esping's, for teaching us how to play Nirtz... Nurtz... Nertz???

Maci is asking for cuddles, so I'm going to just break this post off and go get my snuggles!  Can't wait till I have two three year olds to love on!

Merry Christmas!

Can't wait until all five of our kiddos are together for a picture!  In the meantime, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Gotta say, 2011 promises to be epic.  Little E will finally join our family and Justin will graduate from law school.  I'm dizzy with excitement!  Or maybe I'm just woozy from lack of sleep, since Maci has insisted on sleeping sideways in our bed all week, head butting my stomach every 32.7 seconds.  Either way, exciting stuff coming up for the Robbs Tribe!